


Secret Sufferer 2018

by vel16



Category: Homestuck
Genre: First Meeting, First Time, Humanstuck, Implied Past Abuse, Long Distance Relationship, M/M, Scars, Trans Dave Strider, blowjob, like seriously this is so fluffy, lots and lots of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 12:40:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17244374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vel16/pseuds/vel16
Summary: You try to ignore the fact that you’re nervous. If you didn’t, you would be pacing. There’s the gay thing. The trans thing. The meeting-your-boyfriend-irl-for-the-first-time thing.





	Secret Sufferer 2018

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alkalinePessimist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alkalinePessimist/gifts).



4am is a weird time. Nothing feels quite real - not just because you’re tired, but because nothing quite works yet. No shops are open, there’s very little chatter from the few people also existing in the airport around you, everything is muted. Fifty percent. Sleepy. You arrived early - you didn’t want Karkat to land and then have to hang around because you got stuck in traffic. At 4am. Ok, maybe you’re just anxious to meet him.

There are flowers in your hand - you almost threw them away a few times, concerned that it was too much, but at the same time you know that Karkat is a romantic sap and will probably (hopefully) love them. You’ll never admit how long you spent picking them out. You even got Jade involved, sending her a couple of pictures for her input, and the two of you together constructed this particular bouquet - roses, red of course; freesias, in white and yellow; white brassicas; red and yellow chrysanthemums; and of course some greenery. The whole thing looks a little gaudy, but Karkat knows you’re hardly sophisticated, so why should your gifts be? He should expect the Strider aesthetic, he's certainly known you long enough.

You glance at your watch. 04:12. Karkat’s plane is due at 20 past, and according to the arrivals display it should be on time. You kinda need to use a restroom, but don’t want to risk missing Karkat, and besides you don’t fancy leaving the flowers anywhere. Finding a seat in the practically-deserted airport is easy. The metal is cool on your thighs through your jeans. Your feet tap a rhythm you don’t pay attention to, as your right hand taps your leg, creating a rhythmic polyphony.

You try to ignore the fact that you’re nervous. If you didn’t, you would be pacing. There’s the gay thing. The trans thing. The meeting-your-boyfriend-irl-for-the-first-time thing. You’re used to airports, thank God, so at least it’s not a new environment, but you’ve never felt this anxious about not travelling at one. A cleaner with a trolley rumbles past you without a glance. You look at your wrist again. 04:16. You transfer the bouquet from your left hand to your right to avoid cramp. Your watch still says 04:16. Time moves so slowly when you’re anticipating something both wonderful and nerve-wracking.

From where you’re sat, you can see the corridor where landed passengers will appear. Since you’ve been here, one planeful arrived - most of them appeared to be lone fliers who rushed straight to the taxi rank outside. Good. Hopefully Karkat’s flight will be much the same and the other arrivees won’t pay your meeting any notice. Looking over again at the arrivals board, it declares Karkat’s flight has landed. You stand, legs slightly weak, but steady. It’s a domestic flight so at least Karkat won’t have issues with customs, just baggage claim. There is a couple to your left who appear to also be waiting for someone. They look over to you and you give them a brief nod. The woman glances down to the flowers in your hand. You feel your cheeks warm, but stand confidently - you won’t allow yourself to feel emasculated. Your watch now says 04:23. Straightening your back, you stand so your weight is on the balls of your feet. The fact that you’re kind of small doesn’t help at all with passing; it’s one of the things you’re most self-conscious about. Karkat doesn’t know your height, and you’re a little worried it’ll put him off, or worse make it harder for him to see you as a man. You slip your phone out of your pocket in case Karkat texts or calls you.

It’s not long before a small crowd of people appears from the arrivals corridor, and right at the front-

The first thing you notice is that he’s short. You-short, maybe slightly shorter. His wild hair gives him a bit of height, and he’s pretty wide, and he certainly has a… presence; whilst the rest of the passengers appear to be pretty much shoulder to shoulder, no one seems that close to him. It could be a race thing, you’re not sure - fortunately that’s not something you’ve ever had to deal with, personally.

He hasn’t yet seen you; he’s looking down at his suitcase rolling behind him. You can see his mouth moving as he grumbles under his breath. As the crowd begins to fan out into the airport around you, he stops, frowning, and looks up. It’s only a few seconds until your eyes meet. You stare at each other for a moment, and he looks a little overwhelmed, until he breaks out into a grin. You see his eyes track down to the flowers in your hand. He laughs and begins to make his way towards you with much more composure than you would have managed. You’re shaking - if your mind was on anything but Karkat, you may have been concerned that red, yellow, and white petals may soon litter the floor. Time was being loopy - it felt like it was taking forever for Karkat to reach you, but at the same time he was there in an instant, within touching distance, and you didn’t know what to do.

Two feet away, he stops. “Hi,” he says, smile so wide you can see his teeth. How adorable.

You open your mouth to speak, but words aren’t forming - it is as if your lips and tongue have forgotten how to do anything but gape and loll. In an attempt to disguise your uncharacteristic muteness, you thrust out the flowers. He lets go of his suitcase, standing it up, and takes the flowers with both hands, inspecting them.

He points, “Chrysanthemums.”

“Jade helped me pick them out.”

“She has… well I would say “taste” but neither of you are particularly tasteful.”

His words could be cutting if A- you cared about being tasteful and B- he wasn’t beaming at you. You return his smile, and throw yourself at him. Your arms pin his to his body as you hold him close; he smells like aeroplane, but underneath there’s a… sweetness? You’ve known each other for eight years, been friends for five, and been dating for almost two, and this is the first time you’ve touched him. There have been photographs, skype sessions, care packages, poetry and lyrics, but all of that pales in comparison to touching him, feeling him. None of it comes close.

**~x~**

Your flat fascinated Karkat, and you’re still not entirely sure why. He made his way through every room, curiously inspecting everything. When he started opening kitchen cabinets, you called him out on it.

“I want to know everything about you, and someone’s living space says a lot about them,” he responded, rooting through your spice rack.

“Yeah well it’s gonna be a weird hybrid of me and John.”

Karkat indicated to the row of superhero figurines on the windowsill by the sink. “It looks to be mostly John.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t own much stuff. John had those as a kid, and I don’t have anything like that. And superheroes are awesome anyway.”

Standing in front of a DVD-laden bookshelf, Karkat scratched his head. “Well, I’m certainly learning stuff. Are any of these yours?”

You shake your head. “I have some anime that Dirk gave me. Studio Ghibli stuff, mostly.”

Karkat nods in approval, then turns to face you. “You have Netflix though, right?”

You shrug, hands going to your pockets. “I use John’s.”

“What sort of stuff do you watch?”

You shrug again, uncomfortable. “I dunno, pretty stuff. Like, interesting cinematography.”

Karkat slowly nods, surveying the DVDs on display. You stare at his back. His shoulders are really bulky - it looks like he could arm wrestle John and actually put up a fair fight. His hair sticks up in all directions, you’re pretty sure it might break any brush you tried to use on it. It occurs to you that you’ve never actually seen him from behind before - all those years of skype but you only saw him from the front or side. Your eyes move down. He’s wearing bulky clothes that don’t do him any favours, but you can see he has a pretty sweet looking ass. Again, whilst you’ve seen his dick in pictures, you’ve never seen his ass. It takes you a moment to notice him watching you stare. As you make eye contact, her raises his eyebrows.

“Like what you see?”

“Always.” You approach him from behind and drape your arms over his shoulders and across his chest, holding him close. You know what you want to do, but you’re nervous; this is a first for you, and he’s not too experienced either. Gently, you touch your lips to his neck, beneath his ear. He leans his head to the side, exposing his skin your you, his hands attaching themselves to your arms, keeping you in place. Encouraging. You peck your way down towards his shoulder. Everything is gentle, cautious. You’ve wanted this - him - for so long, and yet now he’s here, you’re terrified. You don’t know what to do, and whilst you’ve talked about this stuff with him, it’s very different now you’re actually physically together.

Gently, you turn him around so you’re facing each other. As you take his chin between your fingers, he closes his eyes. You take a moment, then gently press your lips to his. He leans into it and like that you’re kissing - after all the years of build-up, all the conversations about what you both like, all the dreams you’ve woken up from frustrated, it’s finally happening. As you kiss him, your mind is racing, and you start to wonder how you’re going to describe this moment to your online followers later. Immediately, you are cross with yourself for not just appreciating the moment - dammit, Dave, why do you have to ruin everything by getting distracted? The irony of the fact that you are now distracted by your frustration at getting distracted hits you. No. Ok. You clear your mind and try to focus on the kiss. It’s… soft. Not as wet as you expected. You like how Karkat feels against your lips. You pull away softly. Opening his eyes, Karkat looks at you, an odd expression on his face that you haven’t seen before; he looks almost dazed. You grin and kiss him again, this time pressing your tongue against where his lips meet. He obligingly opens them for you, and you feel his tongue against yours. You can taste him properly now, and by God is it wonderful. You don’t know what to do with your hands; cautiously, you put your left on his cheek and your right around his waist. He steps closer so- oh. Your crotches are touching. Granted, through clothes, but this is the closest your crotch has been to another being since Bro was wiping baby-you’s ass.

You and Karkat both grind softly, your chests flush, and you can feel… activity in his pants. It’s him that pulls away this time. He holds you close, his face by your ear.

“This is… amazing.”

You grin. “Yeah.”

He steps back, takes your hand, and leads you out of the kitchen, towards the corridor.

“Where are you taking me, babe?”

Karkat throws you a dirty look and you laugh. “Ok, ok, so it’s a surprise. I love surprises, me. Kinda have to, living with John, to be fair, he’s always doing surprising shit. And Jade’s not much better. And Rose is her fair share of surprising-”

Karkat slams you against your bedroom door. “Shut up,” he growls, and kisses you again. You can feel him fumbling for the doorknob, and a second later the door swings inwards and the two of you are staggering to your bed, still locked lips. He pushes you onto it and climbs on top of you, his knees either side of your stomach, kissing you into the pillow. Your toes curl and you grip his thick hair between your fingers. You don’t know how long you lie, making out, but when he eventually pulls away, your lips feel almost numb and slightly swollen. Karkat swallows and looks at you, seriously.

“What are you comfortable with? If I go too far, let me-”

“I’m fine to try pretty much anything, just check in occasionally.”

He nods.

You continue, “Is there anything you don’t-”

“I’m not sure, we’ll see as we get there, right?”

You sit up and he scoots back so he’s sitting on your shins. He strokes his fingers around your kneecaps.

“I want you to be comfortable.”

“I am.”

“Ok.”

You reach forward and place a hand on his cheek. I’m just gonna, I don’t know, freshen up or something.”

Karkat nods and climbs fully off you. You stand, and make your way across the hall. As you lock the bathroom door behind you, you feel your heart thumping hard in your chest with adrenaline like you haven’t felt in years. You turn and face the mirror. Focusing on your breathing, you whip your shirt off in one swift movement. If there’s one thing you can thank Bro for, it’s for ultimately meaning your surgery scars are less obvious. Pale lines criss-cross your chest and upper arms, peppered with a few angry pink ones. What will Karkat think of them? Will he be horrified? Saddened? Sickened? You don’t want any of those. Frowning, you brush your teeth quickly with water, muss your hair, put your shirt back on, and head back to your bedroom, where a waiting Karkat is sat in your computer chair, holding up one of your old hoodies, looking at the label. As you shut the door behind you, he looks up.

“Seriously?”

“What?” You sit on your bed facing him, confused.

“You never struck me as a Hot Topic kinda guy.”

You look properly at the hoodie he’s holding up. “That was Rose’s. When I came out she gave me a bunch of her old “guy” clothes.”

“That was nice of her.”

“Yeah, we kinda did a wardrobe switcheroo - she got a load of dresses and stuff. Neither of us really suited the aesthetic of our new clothes but we agreed it felt nicer than staying with our old stuff.”

“It’s a good job you’re the same size.”

“Lucky.”

You look up at him and feel… overwhelmed. For a cis dude, he is so incredibly understanding and wonderful about the whole thing. You lean down to him, hands on the arms of the chair he’s occupying. He tilts his head up and you kiss again - you don’t think you’ll ever tire of it. Hands frantic, you reach for the bottom of his sweater and start to lift it. He pulls away from the kiss to allow you to pull it over his head, which messes up his hair more that it was before. You didn’t think that was possible. He looks wonderful. You grin what you’re sure is a doofy smile, because he laughs and reaches for the hem of his shirt. He pulls it over his head and throws it on the floor on top of his sweater. You kneel in front of him and pepper light kisses across his pecs, down the centre of his chest towards his bellybutton, then back up to his right nipple. He tenses as you swirl your tongue around it, and you smile. You flick to the other one, then drag your head away, a string of saliva connecting your mouth to him.

You reach for his clothed crotch, and place your hand on the bulge you can see straining beneath his sweatpants. You hesitate for a moment. Karkat notices.

“You alright?”

“Yeah, this is just new.”

“If you want to, uh, ask questions or anything then feel free”

“Ok.” You frown as your fingers cup his dick, which feels oddly both kinda hard and squishy at the same time. You stroke it, not quite sure what to do. Karkat is leaning back in the chair, his eyes closed, so you guess you’re not fucking up anything too badly. It’s good to know he trusts you. You pull down the waistband of his pants with one hand, then your other hand joins to lower them as he lifts his ass off the chair. You slip them down his thighs until they’re piled on the floor at his ankles. You can see the shape of his dick much more clearly through his underwear. Karkat shivers.

“You cold?”

He shakes his head, eyes still closed.

“Ok.” You stroke the ridge with the back of your forefinger, travelling up towards the head of his dick. When you reach the tip, you hook the finger under his waistband and pull it down, exposing him. He sucks in a breath through his teeth, but doesn’t move. Again using both hands, you pull his boxers down below his balls so you can see everything. The pictures he sent you did not do it justice, holy shit.

Once again, you feel a wave of awkwardness. You’ve known him for almost a decade, but here, kneeling in front of an almost-naked him, you have no idea what to do. For one thing, this feels horribly one-sided, you feel like you should expose yourself too. You also don’t actually know what to do with a penis. You’ve watched porn, sure, but that’s hardly realistic.

You take his dick in your hand again, properly this time, and lift it so it’s no longer against his lower stomach. You pull your hand down slowly and he groans, a long, drawn-out, guttural sound that makes your insides tingle. Well, you must be doing something right. You shift your hand back towards his tip, then bring it down again, and Karkat’s whole body is rigid - his hands clenched, his legs spread and stiff, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. It’s beautiful.

It doesn’t take long for you to become more confident, less worried about hurting him, and you speed up. As you pump your hand up and down his cock, his breathing becomes erratic, and you are overcome with a wave of joy, knowing you’re the one doing this to him; it’s because of you that he’s panting, apparently unable to control his body’s reactions. You are overcome with a sense of control, of power, and you don’t think but suddenly his dick is in your mouth. Karkat makes a choked noise above you as you slide his cock past your lips, keeping your teeth well clear. You bob your head and work your tongue, swirling it against the head, and Karkat grabs your hair. He’s pushing your face into his crotch, and you follow his lead, trusting him to know what he wants. He sets a pace, then starts thrusting along with it too. You feel wonderfully, gloriously used, your mouth full, tasting him.

He holds your face down on his crotch for a little longer, then releases you. You pull back, his dick falling back to rest on his lower stomach, glistening and wet. Karkat opens his eyes, leans down and kisses you, his hands holding your face. He guides you up, making you stand, and he stands too. He leads you to the bed and you sit, him next to you. He continues to kiss you, his hand wandering down your chest. When he reaches the bottom of your shirt, he slips his hand under the fabric. You stop him.

“Over is fine, not under. Yet.”

Karkat removes his hand and places it on your chest over your shirt. He explores the shape of you, your ribs, your hips, your shoulders. You realise you're leaning on him, inclined towards him. You're also horribly aware that he's naked and you're fully dressed. Cautiously, your hands go to your pants. You undo the fly, but don't lower them. Karkat sees you hesitating.

“You don't have to if you don't want to.”

“I do, I just… I think I'm not ready? I think I need more time.”

“Ok.”

He strokes your hair, fingering your fringe off your face.

“Sorry.”

“Hey, I'm here for four months. We have time. And even if we didn't, that wouldn't matter, because I fucking love you.”

You make eye contact, and you know he means it.

God, you really scored lucky.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I hope you like this! I've been particularly sex-repulsed recently so writing the actual smut came with difficulty, so sorry it's not really the focus, HOWEVER I enjoyed writing this so I may add more later and show more of Karkat's visit! Happy New Year!


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